Forgiven and Free

I was an adulteress, but that is not what defines me. I am not defined by my biggest failures, past mistakes, sizeable sin, greatest accomplishments, or astounding achievements. My identity doesn't come from my job or a title, but it is found in the One who gave His life for me, Jesus Christ. He has given me a new name: redeemed, chosen, adopted, forgiven, daughter, royalty, and even masterpiece. When we truly repent before the only One who has the power to save our soul, He makes us new again, wiping our slate clean, and removing our "sins as far as the east is from the west." (Psalm 103:12) Because of what Jesus did for us on the cross, through the shedding of His blood, paying our sin debt in FULL, we are now seen by the Father as RIGHTEOUS. People may throw our past in our faces, reminding us of what we have done, but Jesus doesn't. He will never say to us, "Remember when you did .......?!" From His perspective, we have been made "new." Our slate is clean before His eyes. I don't know what you have done in your past, the shame or guilt you deal with on a daily basis, or the weight you are carrying. I don't know the internal struggle you may be having with going to Jesus. Maybe you are wondering how could you face the One who is without sin when you come with so much baggage. Maybe you are embarrassed with some of the decisions you made in your past and are choosing to hide from God rather than face Him. I want to remind you today, that Jesus loves and accepts you just as you are. Nothing you will say to Him will shock Him or come to Him as a surprise. "Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account” (Hebrews 4:13) Jesus sees it all. He just wants you to yield and come. He desires a relationship with you. His Spirit will restore you, making you new again, if you will just seek Him, allowing Him to do His masterful work. I have often wondered recently how could God ever use me anymore. People have "disqualified" me. At times, I even "feel" disqualified myself! But, all throughout the Bible we get to hear stories of people just like me and you who have failed miserably, but GOD used them powerfully and mightily. "But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong." (1 Corinthians 1:27) God wants our hearts, our availability. Our past isn't a hindrance to God even though it may be to some people. Pursue God. He has a plan and purpose for YOUR LIFE and He wants to use you to impact the Kingdom of God for all eternity! Will you let Him use you?! 

Meet Mike

Mike gets up before most people. He reads the Bible, prays, and drinks a few cups of coffee. He may write a new series and/or work on the message that he will teach that weekend before he goes to the gym to train people. After the gym, he will come home and study more. I will hear him on the phone at different times, listening to people bare their souls to him because they are in desperate straits. He will often meet people for lunch who need help, words of wisdom, guidance, the truth spoken in love, or maybe just a listening ear. Mike has a HEART for people. He wants to see people THRIVE in the Lord, no longer chained to any addiction, carrying the guilt of their past, weighted down by shame, or feeling hopeless because He knows Jesus has a purpose for their lives no matter what they have done or where they have been. He always gives people the benefit of the doubt, even if they have shown who they really are because he wants to see the best in people. When he hears a need, he will do everything he can to meet that need or find someone who can. Mike is also one of the most generous people I have ever met, always looking for ways to bless other people even if it is a small gesture. He enjoys GIVING and gets great delight out of being generous, seeing people smile from ear to ear! It is one of his gifts from Jesus. Mike would be one to give the shirt off his back. When Mike was preaching one weekend a man came up to him. He told Mike how much he loved the necklace that he always wore. Even though it was Mike's favorite necklace, he took it off and gave it to the man. Here’s another story I love… Mike had a seat in first class, but when he saw a woman in the military going back to her seat, he immediately got up and offered her his seat in first class.

Mike loves to study the Bible. His face lights up when the Holy Spirit reveals something new to him that he has never seen before. He gets so excited like a kid in a candy store. Mike is tough, but he is also very tender. He does not like hurting or disappointing people. He will be the first to tell you he is human like the rest of us, with a carnal nature he has to crucify daily. When he fell, he had to deal with the consequences because Jesus would not be a just God if there were no consequences to sin, but he also had to deal with an enormous weight of guilt because of his position. He had to deal with not only the shame, guilt, regret, and embarrassment of what he did on a larger scale than most of us would have to experience, he also had to deal with stones being thrown at him, coming at him from every direction. There were also lies being spread, people gossiping, and assumptions people felt were just not true. He could have tried to tell his side of the story, refuting the lies, but instead, he chose to take all of this to the One who had forgiven him because Mike had repented of his sins. Mike knew that prayer could do more than what he could write or share because Jesus hears us when we call. Jesus can work within people's hearts. The enemy and his own heart tried to convince him that he was useless, telling him that he had no purpose from God anymore.....But God. The Lord drew Mike away for a time so he could write, "Death by Church; Life through Christ: Hope for the Hopeless." Mike found himself being the "pen of a ready writer." It was as if God put his hand over Mike's hand and just started writing....and writing...and writing. The Lord inspired Mike and the words came out effortlessly. The Lord used this to bring healing to Mike and remind him that, even though people might have "disqualified" him, the One who had him in the palms of His hands, Jesus Christ did not. Jesus reminded Mike of all the people in the Bible who failed miserably, but God still used them greatly. The only person Mike needed to please was the One who gave His life for him. Mike is also very humble. He does not see why people would want to hear him teach when so many other pastors are much more qualified than him, but he knows it is God's calling on his life. Mike truly wants to bring the Lord glory. He wants people to know Jesus and for them to experience His transforming power!!! He knows he is an imperfect man, perfectly loved by our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Are you thankful that Jesus can use sinners?! There would be no hope for any of us if God required perfection!! If you are reading this and are wondering, “Can Jesus still use me? Does He still have a purpose for me?” The answer is, “Yes, He does.” "But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.” (1 Corinthians 1:27) God does not require perfection. He is looking for hearts that are fully surrendered to Him. I want to end on this. Let's get to know people. Let's not base our perception of them on something they have done or a mistake they have made. Can you imagine if God did that with us?! #onwardandupward

Fall From Grace

I did something I never thought I would ever do, I had an affair a couple of years ago. The world around me, inside and outside, blew up. I became so embarrassed and ashamed. I hated myself for not doing what I encouraged others to do. I hated myself for going outside the boundaries of God, ultimately disobeying Him. It was hard to even look at myself in the mirror because I didn’t want to see the person looking back at me. Where was the girl who had the strength to say no on national TV? Where was the girl who would regularly turn down modeling jobs because they didn’t meet her standards? Where was the girl who didn’t put herself in compromising situations? I wanted to die.

Unfortunately, I didn’t immediately run to God. I ran from Him like Adam and Eve did in the Garden of Eden. How could I face the One who died for my sins, taking my place on the cross? How could I go to the One who was holy, righteous and perfect in all His ways when I was filthy and a complete mess? I didn’t want to face Him or even other people. How could I deal with their judgement or handle the stones they would throw at me? So I hid in my parent’s house for awhile and spent countless hours in my bedroom there. At times, I would cry so much that I couldn’t cry anymore. Even though I made very unwise decisions, I still experienced the merciful hand of God upon my life. He didn’t leave me or abandon me. Even as I am typing this I am fighting off tears because of the miraculous grace of God. I can testify that He truly is the Good Shepherd willing to leave the 99 for the ONE. He left the flock and pursued me. “But is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.” (2 Peter 3:9)

One day I decided I had enough of running and hiding. From the depths of brokenness, I cried out to Him asking Him to forgive me for what I did and for the people I crushed and disappointed. “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.” (Psalm 51:17) I repented, asking forgiveness from God and from others. I wanted to do a 180, no longer continuing down the path that leads to destruction. There are definitely severe consequences to sin. God wouldn’t be a just God if there wasn’t because He hates sin. I’ve had to deal with the consequences. When we sincerely repent, He says in Scripture that “He removes our sins as far as the east is from the west,” remembering them no more. He doesn’t see us through the lens of our sins or our past like some people may see us through. He sees us forgiven and cleansed through the blood of Jesus Christ, clothed in His robe of righteousness.

After I did what I did, I thought my calling from God was done. I thought I was useless. He reminded me, “For the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable.” (Romans 11:29) He reminded me of the story of David and Moses and Paul. He can bring beauty from the ashes (Isaiah 61:3). I have experienced the grace of God like I have never experienced Him before. I’m newly married now and the Holy Spirit is helping me to write a new chapter for my life. I own my first home. He has opened the door to modeling again and I didn’t even knock on any doors. He just opened them for me. I go to a “church” where I am surrounded by people who love me and they feel like family. The Holy Spirit has inspired me with creativity to create different things that He wants me to do that has left me in complete awe of Him. I still have to battle shame and embarrassment and regret. I wish I could go back and undo what I did. Unfortunately, the past cannot be undone. If you are reading this and have a past, wondering if God still loves you and wants to use you for His purposes, He does. If you are reading this and you are filled with shame, embarrassment or regret… ask for His grace to give it to the One who bore your shame on the cross. Shame keeps us feeling defeated, crippling us so that we cannot fulfill God’s calling upon our lives. The Bible says, “we are more than conquerors through Jesus Christ,” so we can be victorious through Him!!!

In Luke 7:47 Jesus says, “Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven—for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little.” My own sins have ignited within me a richer and deeper mercy for others. I am in complete awe of God’s unfailing love for me. “But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8) Our faith should always be fixed upon Jesus Christ, the only perfect One. Just like you have seen with my life, I can greatly disappoint you because I am human and have a carnal flesh that I need to crucify with the Holy Spirit’s power. “Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak (Matthew 26:41).” I would like to leave you with this… be careful of saying that you will never do something because you just might find yourself one day doing something you never thought you would do. I’ve painfully learned that each one of us are capable of anything. How do I know this?! Because I did something I never thought I would ever do. “Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall (1 Corinthians 10:12).”

Have Mercy On Me, God

I could say this about myself…. “The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost.” (1 Timothy 1:15)

I, like David, have cried out to the Lord, “Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin!” (Psalm 51:1-2) He answered me. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9) At times in my life I have hidden from God just as Adam and Eve did in the Garden of Eden because I was also filled with shame and embarrassment. I listened to my own heart, the harsh words of others and believed the lies that I wasn’t worthy of His love. Jesus Christ is perfect, holy and righteous and I am a sinner in desperate need of His forgiveness, mercy, grace, and love. I had my eyes on myself instead of on Christ and what HE did for me (and you) on the cross.

David was a murderer and adulterer. Moses killed someone. Peter denied Jesus three times. Abraham didn’t trust God for a descendant. None of the disciples actually believed that Jesus would rise from the dead. That’s why they scattered like rats on a sinking ship after the crucifixion.

Jesus loves the unlovable, forgives the unforgivable, patiently waits for the prodigal to return home and restores the unrestorable. He is sinless, yet He loves sinners (“for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.”), proving that love on the old rugged cross.

Your past mistakes don’t disqualify you from being used greatly by God. People can’t disqualify you either when God calls you to something. At the end of the day, their opinion doesn’t matter because His will trumps people’s opinions. God loves a good redemption story because He is a God of the unlikely. He is a God of Wonders and can take the mess you made and somehow make it into something beautiful.

It’s never too late to come home to Jesus.