Since my stance on #ANTM, I have often been asked what the difference is between a bathing suit and underwear are. Many people did not understand why I would wear one, but not the other. My explanation on Top Model didn't get aired and I looked aloof, although if you know me at all, you know I stand strong, bold in my convictions.
First off, I want to say that not every bathing suit I have worn, I would wear again. As a Christian, you should have a desire to grow and be more like Him. With that comes a change in your heart, the way you think. He has shown me that not all of my decisions in this area have been good in His sight.
Before I EVER agreed to go back on Top Model (for the All Star edition) I got asked so many questions. One thing I clearly stated was that I was still modeling, but I didn't do underwear anymore. I wore it on season one and felt SO uncomfortable. But, I sadly did it anyway. As I watched it back I was so embarrassed with myself. That was not the image I wanted to portray before the Lord and others.
On All Stars, the first photoshoot they have set up for me was to be a "Victoria Secret Angel." Many girls have that dream of becoming one, but I did not. I knew this was set-up to see what I was going to do. The season was supposed to be about "branding." They stated on the phone that I could make my brand whatever I wanted it to be. So when they told me about this shoot, I was a bit confused. I found a bathing suit and wore that instead of the underwear. I made it through the next several eliminations.
Now, we are in Greece and I got asked to do it AGAIN. This time the whole shoot for everyone was for a underwear line. I'm like, "not again. "They told me I could pick out one I felt "comfortable wearing." They said I could wear anything on the racks. Lisa happened to find a bathing suit hidden away, but long story short, they changed their mind and wouldn't let me wear it.
I got eliminated that episode. They aired the judges like they were confused with my stance. Funny thing is, I had such a crystal clear mind and explanation. You see if I would have done that shoot they would have eliminated me anyways. They would have said that my brand is a fake, or a lie. I would be saying one thing, but doing another. If you aren't good for your word, then what are you good for?! After they eliminated me, on my way out, I put my hand in the air and proudly said, "always stand up for what you believe in. It will always be worth it in the end."
Not every swimsuit they make these days I would wear. Yes, some do look like lingerie and you won't be seeing me in them. I don't wear underwear at the beach. I don't wear it outside to go and get the mail. I would be floored if my dad, father in law, or my own pastor saw me in it. So why would I pose in it? For money? For fame? After I wore it on season one, I knew that was something that should be kept for my husband and him alone. We both decided that we wouldn't do it (my hubby modeled too and that was his bread and butter, but gave it up) and would save that for each other.
Lingerie has a different connotation than swimsuits. One you think the bedroom. The other you think the beach. I also knew that agreeing to pose in underwear would cause me to go down a slippery slope. If I could do that, then why not do a little more. Make it a little smaller, a little more revealing. Once I felt ok with that, then why not go topless. You get my point? You have to set standards for yourself that no matter what, you WON'T compromise on them. I knew that was a path that I didn't want to go down so I said no. It is a lot harder to say no, than it is yes. I was basically waving good-bye to my dream for the second time.
I have to listen to my conscience at all costs. I have to stand by my convictions, even if people don't understand. It's ok that people don't get it or agree. When I stand before the Lord one day I will do it alone. I have to work out my own salvation with fear and trembling. My first desire is to please Him, bring Him glory. He was the one that gave me the opportunity to be on that show anyways. It wasn't because of me or anything I did. It was His favor.
The Lord wouldn't give you a job to corrupt your walk with Him. He wouldn't give you anything to draw you farther away from Him. Not every open door is from God. Some are tests. Are you going to take what you see, or will you wait on Him for His best. Faith is about what you don't see, not what you see. I want to walk by faith, not by sight. Will you join me?!